I am in the midst of determining what direction I want to take with this blog. Therfore interesting content is not to be found.

Hang in there, Folks!

This week I have begun to clearly see the Lord’s hand in my life over the last few months and years.  I have been very aware of his help during certain  days and weeks but tonight ecspecially I saw how He has tranformed me supernaturally as I pressed into the truth He spoke over my life. Do not abandon the prophetic words given to you by the Lord! Many times they are impossibilities, and they will remain such unless you press into them and content for their fulfillment. If you set your heart and spirit into agreement with what he declares over you, you will surely walk in it! We will only fail to walk fully in our prophetic destinies if we stop contending for their fulfillment. Contending is two-fold. We contend in prayer and meditation, and we contend by stepping into our places even when we are not practically equipped or able. If you have been given the promise that you will write BOOKS that bring revelation to certain people, then begin writing short pieces, compile ideas and refine them. We’ve got to step into what He’s said about us even if it doesn’t look even remotely possible.

I really love coming into alignment with what God says. It is my delight.  More on this topic later I think…..

Blessings!

Jessica

October 14th…..

Life is really good. Dealing with a little anxiety for some reason but prayin’ through that.

Top Five:

Things that I love (not a hierarchic list):

• Muesli and yogurt every morning for breakfast.
• Bicycling. I feel so Dutch when I pedal down the streets and over the canals in my leather boots and braided hair.
• Prayer. Room. a.k.a. fellowship with the trinity. seriously. i’m in love.
• Receiving mail. The mailbox is the purifier of relationships. You see who really loves you. (partially joking and partially believing there is some truth to that.)
• our community life. i love having a coed hall. everynight after we walk home from the tabernacle we gather in the tiny european kitchen, drink tea and eat whatever happens to be around.  On Sunday nights we spend an hour being silent before God together and then we pick 3 people to prophesy over. so  much fun.

Things that could be better:

• Bicycle situation. (I don’t have one.) Borrowing gets really old after oh, the first 3 times.
• Spider infestation. they love my room.
• The exchange rate. Although- the dollar has climbed quite i bit since i left the states!
• Artistic Methodology. i made that up.
• Everything. I will end this section by saying there is no aspect of my life that has reached a point beyond where it can be massively improved and glorified! thats why i’m still living! So this is pretty much a pointless list.

Whats going really well:

• Time management. I’m so on track that people are getting offended by the loyalty I have to my schedule. which is really ok. and funny.
• Healthfullness. although i have been running only once while here i walk/bike to any destination within the city. They serve raw vegetables at every meal- which is so amazing! My room is on the 4th floor of our building. there are 130-some stairs that I climb 6-7  times a day. It adds up folks, it adds up.
• tea collection. my tea collection is abounding.
• temperature. the building manager broke down and turned the heating system on. (its not central heat) It wasn’t supposed to come on until mid-November…. at one point we were all showing up to class wrapped in our bed spreads and coats.

Dear Sweet lover of my soul, thank you for answering all of my calls. Thank you for letting me drink your cup of joy and intimate delight. I drink, I drink and joy overflows to run down my face, down my arms. How I love you sweet man. How low I bow beneath the weight of your power. I hit the floor so hard for you I just want more of you- good shepherd. My eyes are drunk from watching your hands in their administration. I will always let love rule.

Thank you, sweet Jesus. Beautiful and mighty. I love you, Holy.

Some things i jotted down at Tabernacle of the Nations on Saturday….

I was made to sing back to Heaven revelations of beauty set upon my heart. I was made to release the movements of my heart in response to the waves of love breaking in upon my soul. I was made to respond in worthy beauty to knowledge increasing ever swelling ever growing.

__________

I am a child as long as I am living. I have not become something other than a heart learning to live. I have not surpassed the boundaries of new growth, I have not entered into completeness. I am WHOLE only in that my ability to improve continues.

The point I would like to communicate by the title of this post is that I am not at all in the mood to write, nor do I forsee myself being in the mood to write in the near and upcoming future. Its really not flowing right now- most likely because I’m not doing much reading. In spite of this discouraging and unpleasant situation, here I am, faithful. One of my goals for this three months in the Netherlands was to write. and so write I shall. As I am now doing…..

Interesting occurrence taking place within the depths of my bruised and misaligned soul: I am regarding people much differently here in Europe (specifically on base but also the city in general) than I ever have before. I believe this is a combination of somethings Holy Spirit has been working inside of me and the fact that I am living in a foreign culture. I think that being separated from the sub-societies and social/economic labels of one’s own nation/city/home strips down the inward perception we have of other people. Let me try to explain. I am not meeting/spotting people around me and immediately sizing them up and judging them by their appearance, speech or body language. I am just allowing people to BE. I am engaging everyone equally and not subconsciously writing people off. I’m embarrassed to admit that I ever did this but its been a very strong mental habit for years. I am very perceptive and majorly my ability to perceive has simple given me means to decide that some people just are not worth my time. While we can figure out many things about a person just from watching/listening to them its best not to  make judgments. Judgment here meaning: A final and definitive opinion or statement regarding something or someone.

alright. still not really feeling’ the writing bug bite. at least I did it. PEACE OUT CUB SCOUTS!

In order for two dimensions to interact there must be a point of connection. There must be a mutual sharing of some similarity if they are to touch. A receptor, a transmitter or receiver if you will. god exists in the heavenlies. he lives and governs in the spiritual realm. We exist in the physical realm.  My senses cannot find God. I can’t touch Him, look at Him or listen to Him. We interact with our spirits. Our spirits are mysteriously and divinely joined to God. Through our spirits we can listen, gaze and touch Him. This would be the receptor. This is how we break into the Heavenly realm. and the Heavenly realm breaks into the physical through the same avenue. thats where we see healing and miracles and the supernatural. good stuff. Anyways i know i’m preaching to the choir…

The idea in all of this that blows me away is the incarnation. Jesus, the second person of the trinity, the beautiful Son of God becoming a human being. Jesus became a man and He still IS a man. He has a soul just like we do. We has emotions and mental processes in his physical brain. He has a body made of flesh. This man is fully God. He didn’t leave behind any of His divinity. I think that the concept of Jesus being God is well emphasized in the church. I think we need to look at his humanity though. His humanity is what makes it possible for us to get close to Him. God being born as a little baby boy into the human race is the ultimate expression of meekness. Its crazy, nonsensical and impossible to understand.  When we bring our selves to think about and meditate on Jesus’ identity as a man it redefines our spiritual lives. He experienced every challenge and temptation that we do. he gets it! and that empowers me to press into the grace of God in my life. I find that believers around me are very distanced from their faith- either their spirituality is boxed in and surrounded by boundaries of thought or they are too spiritual in a spacey, out of touch way. Jesus’ spiritual life was and is perfect. He had pure communion with God while walking around barefooted in the middle east.

This should set us free. Our righteousness is in Jesus. yeah.

these are very incomplete thoughts probably not worthy of posting but here they are. to be refined over time….. : D

I am water poured out, i am vessel shut off from the rivers. shut off from the flow. i am empty and yearning, dry and ready to be filled again. don’t let me wander from the river of life. from the holy ghost and his beautiful streams.

i am busy and i’m neglecting the hearts that you’ve given me to tend. the gardens of souls that i’ve left dry. my friends have become parched flower beds ignored by the watering girl.       ohhhhh              sweet                      Lord                 pour

your

grace

upon

my

face

i love you.

the title isn’t relevant to this post…

Exciting/really helpful thing that happened: I stumbled upon an art sale and bought 6 canvases for a total of about $23. I feel like its a kiss from the Lord because I haven’t touched my art since the semester let out earlier this spring. I’ve been putting my hands to other things and asking him to make it possible for me to do art again. so maybe that will happen.

I recently made reconciliation in my relationship with: My parents. It was so good. We finally got somewhere in the healing process because Holy Spirit opened up my eyes and i was able to see my issues. hahh.I also learned some enlightening things about myself the past few days. I am a pretty intimate person who likes face to face interaction, lots of quality time and good communication. not that I didn’t realize that already, but it was good to recognize my relational language.

I am contending for: The lives of several girls who have come into my life. All of them are dealing with depression, oppression, rough family life, cutting, sabotaging relational patterns, demonic dreams and several other things that they deal with individually. Two of them have been sexually abused by family members. One of them is giving herself to heavy alcohol use and occasional drugs. One of them is tormented by mental confusion and fog that negatively impacts her relationships and functionality. in all of their situations there are layers and layers of wounds and generational curses. i am contending for wisdom, love, power and the knowledge of God for me and them.  I am also asking God to release dreams in the night and visions in the day. I am asking Him to give them encounters with Jesus and to give them experiential knowledge of Himself, of love. I am asking Him to develop in me the heart of a mother and for deep, deep revelation of Him as a good father.

They need the power of Jesus to liberate them from addictive habits and strongholds. They need Him to break in for them with love and healing and the grace to understand the word. A spirit of truth and understanding to remove the dullness of their hearts and enable them to weep as they gaze at Him. I am in way over my head.

Pray for their eyes to be opened to their sin and need for Jesus Christ crucified. Pray that God will scrub the scales off of the eyes of their spirits so that they can SEE and understand  the savior Jesus.

What I’m doing this month: One more week of work. THANK THE HEAVENS. Singing about twice a week in the prayer room.. Interceding for the aforementioned individuals. Being really intentional about spending time with the folks here at home. Trying to support my dear, sweet mother as she has just started a new job. I’m proud. its nice to see my homeschooling- bread baking-child herding- mum in business casual wear.  : ) Getting my hair colored. its bleach blonde right now but i’m adding some more warmth. GATHERING EVERYTHING I NEED FOR AMSTERDAM!( operating system upgrade-new jeans-hoodie-running shoes- headphones- more RAM) Teaching myself some basic dutch phrases..Studying revelation and 1 Corinthians. trying to establish weekly prayer meetings at Mechanicsville Christian Center. Thats not true really- only Holy spirit can establish them i’m just helping to facilitate. We can meet everyday and not get anywhere without a spirit of prayer. ha. i’m silly to think i’m really doing anything. trying hard to connect with dear friends in the few weeks before i leave. Working on some music…..i have felt really stuck musically but He is being so good- He’s helping me hear and release sound. Thank you beautiful God. I’ve been dancing more in the studio at the gym. He loves it and so do I. need to build up that muscle! been packin in the protein. if people can lose weight supernaturally i would love to get some supernatural muscle mass!

Currently Listening to: Cory Asbury’s new album,(Isn’t everyone?) flagship brigade, john Mark’s The Medicine, c’est tout.

Currently Feeling: hungry in my spirit. thats not a feeling.. Currently feeling: heartbroken, hopeful, old and grateful.

Drink that I may be addicted to: Cappuccino with a shot of cinnamon syrup from Shockoe Expresso. Oh My Lands!

Got really turned on this week by: Organic cotton blend t’s!!!!!!! Heaven.

Well I’ve been thinking about ministry a lot this month. i am incredibly frustrated with the state of how we go about doing church. i’ve always been but recently the Lord has been setting the Spirit of revelation on me and now there is more than just frustration or discontentment, now my spirit is mourning and groaning over powerless ministry and events where Holy Spirit does not rest upon us corporately. We have forgotten how to enter into high praise and we have not been taught how to commune with the Holy One. Where is God in religion? I have not found Him in the House nor in the streets. My soul groans and aches for the spirit of the living God.

Two realities in the Body of Christ that I’ve recognized:

These aren’t new developments, I just want to point them out as I am beginning to understand them.

1). The church is filled with ministries, outreaches and programs that are completely lacking in power and do not flow from revelation of the knowledge of God. 

2). Often we look at ministries and events that are anointed and filled with power and assume that we have arrived. Prophecy is released, bodies are healed, souls are restored, the glory realm is unlocked and we don’t realize that this is all for an end greater than the restoration of fallen mankind.

I can prophesy  a really good word over someone and I can walk in a healing anointing and have a heart that is not given in love to the person of Jesus. I can understand the spiritual realities of intercession, i can grasp that intercession is the administration of government ,and NEVER have my heart unlocked in adoration for the God-man. 

The reason for Jesus’ ministry during His first coming was to show us Father. If what we go about doing all the time does not lead us into encounter with the person of God then it is worthless. If it does not un lock our hearts in affection for WHO HE IS we might as well stop.  ahhhhhh. STOP.  

We raise our hands and shout about the glory of the cross and the wonder of our salvation when we have not entered into suffering with Him and gazed at the endless beauty of His meekness. His meekness will melt your bones and empty the stores of your tears. I love him for healing my diseases and setting me free. I am thankful for prophesy, not just because I got a word about my future and all the cool stuff i’m going to do- but because those words led me to a person. He has healed disease in my body, and I am so grateful because I see that HE IS A HEALER and i love Him for that.

Another thought about ministry. (Ministry being on a stage leading a corporate event or counseling someone at lunch) Why do we attempt to pass on what we have never possessed?  Something I walk in is a spirit of discernment. I have the ability to see what someone is dealing with before they say it. Often i notice things this way, or either by way of them sharing. I’m often tempted to try to bring truth or minister to them in the situation. What i’m realizing is that its silly for me to minster outside of Holy Spirit’s activity through me. I might use the exact same words, but unless he empowers me what good is anything i’m saying? people probably won’t be able to receive it anyways.

I think we all know this stuff but we tend to ignore it. Why do we attempt to pass on things that we have really never possessed?

I am making war on religion. I am hurling myself into the pleasure on leaning on Holy Spirit for my every movement. Better to garden in communion with God than heal the sick without loving Him.