from sea to sun to cold rivers
February has been a glorious month. I turned 20 on groundhogs day! 20 feels so nice. My wonderful Malmö family bought me a gorgeous strawberry cheesecake from the best little cafe in town and it was a generally lovely day. I spent a week in Norway with my friends the Reads and from Oslo we flew into Barcelona, Spain. Due to some prior arrangements our apartment needed to be available to a Korean music group and so our entire household dispersed throughout Finland, Latvia, Sweden and Poland for about two weeks. The Reads and I hadn’t made plans beyond a week in Frederikstad, Norway but God individually spoke to all 3 of us about Barcelona and a random friend expressed to Josh & Bec that he felt God had something for them in Spain…..so we booked flights. Spain was so far off our radar and for me the excitement was euphoric. We ended up connecting with some folks who were studying a manual that Josh and Bec were involved with developing in Tacoma, Washington; small worlds collide. The couple leading this study group had been asking God to send someone from Tacoma to help them through some of the material during the same couple days God was speaking to us about Barcelona in our little norwegian cabin. The Reads had to opportunity to hang out with and pour into the local leadership. So that was cool to watch unfold. I enjoy “connect the dots.”
Spain is wonderful. I enjoyed using some spanish and learning about the Catalan language. I asked God to make it possible for me to go sailing, and for a guitar as I don’t have the money for one. Neither of those requests manifested but I did spend a day along the harbor and I so appreciated the musicians who plunked down with their little 15 watt amps in the metro or alleyways. Metro tunnels seem like bad places to busk as there isn’t really anywhere to stand/sit and listen and most of your audience is bustling off at 90 miles an hour. There were some amazing guitarists and I enjoyed listening in spite of the awkwardness of being the only person to stop and listen… The space between you and the musician closes in and becomes not just public space but personal space where someone is sharing their song or, often someone else’s song they’ve made their own. You’re there letting them be and throwing coins at them for being. Its sometimes awkward because you’re not just a head in a music hall but you’re a soul that recognizes something beautiful in another and acknowledges it with the toss of a bit of change into a dirty guitar case or hat. sometimes awkward. but good.
Traveling is an eye opening adventure and I enjoy it but the best part of the last three weeks was getting to spend quality time with Josh and Bec and their kids. Thats my favorite. I love ‘the tribe.’ …I love massive togetherness with loads of people…. I also really need the times of intimacy with just a few friends. Fellowship like that tremendously blesses my heart. yeahhhh. so good!
Back in malmö now. Norway was bitter cold. Spain was refreshingly warm and our river canal here has frozen over again. My body is freaking out. anyways. I’ve been thinking a little about art, creative unction and craft. Over the years I’ve had creative ebb and flow – inspiration come and go. Sometimes I have such an unction to do work and express things. There have been seasons in all kinds of different mediums most of which I’m not inclined towards right now. I brought my graphite set and some paints with me and have done only a few really amateur pieces. I’m not much inclined to express or capture through graphite. What I do have is an unction to capture moments with my digital camera. I like photographs because they allow us to look into each others lives. They provide a way for us to look on another human in their being. They tell us something about our hearts. I like to capture whats beautiful and purely aesthetic but I also like to grab those moments of mundane, daily normalcy. I like to catch the places and things that we interact with everyday when nothing especially special is happening, but we’re living and asking questions and dealing with our annoyances & frustrations and trying to learn what it looks like for hearts to flourish.
In Spain I was wrestling with my artistic process and trying to figure out why I’ve been rather blocked lately. I realized that I am a critical, judgemental person and that my sense of wonder isn’t very fine tuned. I tend to observe other people’s creative work rather fleetingly. I was able to see my own heart and the judgementalism and lack of appreciation that seems to dominate my perception of others people’s work. Little thoughts often creep into my heart belittling the images I capture or challenging the significance of the words I put together. I find myself in a state of derision towards myself and other artists. These thoughts kill creative output.
My identity and sense of value has caused me to be creatively shut down for many years. I’ve believed that my life is insignificant and that it doesn’t really matter if I write songs or draw stuff. The conviction of worthlessness that once bound my soul led me to idleness, depression and self destruction. We have a maker and we need to be reminded of the dignity that has been bestowed upon human life. We matter to the creator. God is loving and every good thing that is comes from the center of his being. He’s watching our lives; cringing at the destruction we release on each other and at the same time he’s bringing his boots down to the rhythm of our songs. Art is how we converse with society. Society can be super rude and discouraging but if love is unconditional, then loving our communities means sharing our pain, sharing our crafts, sharing our money and our songs. It means listening a whole lot and speaking words that cause hearts to flourish.
I need revival inside. I’m not going to look back. I’m looking forward and running and resting and laughing a whole lot. Laughing is ahhhh my favorite. I’m still cultivating a sense of humor. but yes. laughter saves the heart.
Its 1 am…..
I love you all and can’t wait to reconnect with some of you in Virginia in March!
Jess
